indulgent contemplation

I enjoyed reading about my name, at the wikipedia page about it.  I particularly liked reading this part:

"W.F. Albright held that it meant "soil", or "earth", and was the name of an earth-goddess."

Being partial to contemplating ideas of and about the 'ground of being', I am amused to think that perhaps in some way, my name has meant just that.

today...

i feel like a space object, endlessly entering the atmosphere of truth, endlessly burning myself away

hello moment of now

lose the hope for affirmation of being

no separate self exists to affirm or provide affirmation

meaning, value, or affirmation is not required for life to be

benediction

two rabbits.
full moon dusk.



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enough...

...is enough is enough.


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so many ways to dance around the truth

one day i will die.  it might happen gradually, losing my mind and then the body failing.  it might happen suddenly in a violent car crash.  it might happen peacefully, asleep in my bed.  i may be aware of it's approach or i may never know what hit me.

these are unavoidable facts.

the human body depends on the earth to live.  it requires the air here, the water here, and the food here.  the human body has a brain.  the brain and the body are pretty much inseparable, and despite medical science, chances are good eventually both will perish.

all of the senses will cease their functions.  there will be no more sight, no more sound, no more smell.  the skin will never sense a touch or a breath of wind again.

the mind will cease.  thoughts will never again arise.  consciousness will end.

the cells of the body will remain aware.  as the body decomposes, the cells will break down.

at no point, will any of this cease to be life, working perfectly.

this process will occur in one way or another regardless of any words ever spoken by the mouth of this body.  no thought that could arise here could abort this timeless mission of life to fall apart, to break down, to change, to recycle.

how the imagination copes with this reality is intensely diverse.  despite this creative outpouring of the human mind, nothing changes the inevitable.

for me, finding a way to face the reality of my own death, has been the only effort worth making.  this is how it seems, and yet it's very clear that there is nothing driving that effort besides the awareness of the truth of my own end.

whatever could be identified with, as my self, is doomed and entirely out of any other controlling force.


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a note to my self

there's a unique experience of life happening right here
and it's here for you too, isn't it?
in my experience, it's happening there for you, but in yours it's happening here.

why is this worth mentioning?  because there is nothing else.
literally.
nothing else is happening but what's here, right now.

no past, no future, no separate god out in space, no heaven or hell; none of these things are here right now.  a belief of something is not the same as it being real.

this is all there is.

and it's always moving.  it's never the same.  as soon as a word gets out to describe it, it's different.

there's no reference point possible when all there is, is constantly changing.

all reference points are assumptions.  and they hinge on one particular assumption about one particular reference point, that very very few ever question.

it feels like there's a human female body here, but there is no memory of this body being born.  there's no reference point in memory for the beginning of this body, there's only a set of descriptions.

it feels like the body is separate somehow.  a separate name.  a separate set of habits.  a separate set of thoughts.  a separate set of preferences.  all with a unique attachment to this particular body.

but the body is not separate from life.  it IS life.  and the list of things considered to be separate will disappear when the body dies and breaks down into parts that are absorbable by the earth.  right now, the body requires just this composition of oxygen to continue to breathe.  it requires the light of the sun to remain healthy.  it requires food, and food comes from the life around it.  it requires water.

all that is believed to prove that some part of what's happening right now is a separate me, is in fact just life, just changing, just moving, without any need of a reference point, to be just as it is.

so remember.  everything you think of as you, will die.  if you think you'll know, you could be wrong.

there's no reference point from which to measure the movement of life.

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