Wednesday, June 29, 2011

so many ways to dance around the truth

one day i will die.  it might happen gradually, losing my mind and then the body failing.  it might happen suddenly in a violent car crash.  it might happen peacefully, asleep in my bed.  i may be aware of it's approach or i may never know what hit me.

these are unavoidable facts.

the human body depends on the earth to live.  it requires the air here, the water here, and the food here.  the human body has a brain.  the brain and the body are pretty much inseparable, and despite medical science, chances are good eventually both will perish.

all of the senses will cease their functions.  there will be no more sight, no more sound, no more smell.  the skin will never sense a touch or a breath of wind again.

the mind will cease.  thoughts will never again arise.  consciousness will end.

the cells of the body will remain aware.  as the body decomposes, the cells will break down.

at no point, will any of this cease to be life, working perfectly.

this process will occur in one way or another regardless of any words ever spoken by the mouth of this body.  no thought that could arise here could abort this timeless mission of life to fall apart, to break down, to change, to recycle.

how the imagination copes with this reality is intensely diverse.  despite this creative outpouring of the human mind, nothing changes the inevitable.

for me, finding a way to face the reality of my own death, has been the only effort worth making.  this is how it seems, and yet it's very clear that there is nothing driving that effort besides the awareness of the truth of my own end.

whatever could be identified with, as my self, is doomed and entirely out of any other controlling force.


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Saturday, June 18, 2011

a note to my self

there's a unique experience of life happening right here
and it's here for you too, isn't it?
in my experience, it's happening there for you, but in yours it's happening here.

why is this worth mentioning?  because there is nothing else.
literally.
nothing else is happening but what's here, right now.

no past, no future, no separate god out in space, no heaven or hell; none of these things are here right now.  a belief of something is not the same as it being real.

this is all there is.

and it's always moving.  it's never the same.  as soon as a word gets out to describe it, it's different.

there's no reference point possible when all there is, is constantly changing.

all reference points are assumptions.  and they hinge on one particular assumption about one particular reference point, that very very few ever question.

it feels like there's a human female body here, but there is no memory of this body being born.  there's no reference point in memory for the beginning of this body, there's only a set of descriptions.

it feels like the body is separate somehow.  a separate name.  a separate set of habits.  a separate set of thoughts.  a separate set of preferences.  all with a unique attachment to this particular body.

but the body is not separate from life.  it IS life.  and the list of things considered to be separate will disappear when the body dies and breaks down into parts that are absorbable by the earth.  right now, the body requires just this composition of oxygen to continue to breathe.  it requires the light of the sun to remain healthy.  it requires food, and food comes from the life around it.  it requires water.

all that is believed to prove that some part of what's happening right now is a separate me, is in fact just life, just changing, just moving, without any need of a reference point, to be just as it is.

so remember.  everything you think of as you, will die.  if you think you'll know, you could be wrong.

there's no reference point from which to measure the movement of life.

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GATE GATE PARA GATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA!

There are many translations.  A few:

"Going, going, going on beyond, always going on beyond, always becoming Buddha."
http://www.interluderetreat.com/meditate/ppsutra.htm

"go, go, go beyond, go thoroughly beyond, and establish yourself in enlightenment"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_Sutra#Tibetan_exegesis

"Gone, Gone, Gone beyond Gone utterly beyond.  Oh what an Awakening"
http://www.sanghalou.org/heart_suttra.htm

what this famous line means to me, lately:

every phenomenal arising of every moment is always passing.  everything is already gone.  everything is going as soon as it is here.  there's nothing that doesn't return to where it came from.

included in this, is the fiction of the self.  when the self is seen to be non-existent in reality, or outside of reality, there appears to be a de-conditioning, obviously within the arising of phenomenon.  the apparent parts of reality that used to be held as proof of identity are also going, going, going.  liberation seems like a good word for this.

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Monday, June 13, 2011

in the same way that we notice eating a donut makes us feel shitty afterward, it is possible to notice that some thoughts, if believed, make us feel shitty afterward.

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true forgiveness can't happen until there is no belief in separation left.

true forgiveness is realizing the impossibility of anything ever being different than it is.

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Friday, June 10, 2011

there is no deeper connection with life in any form other than the form of THIS present moment, here and now.

there is no more intimate experience than this - what is happening now.
i remember age 14 or so and trying to change 'myself' into how i wanted others to view me, and feeling the frustration and realizing the futility of that effort.  and i remember the raging NO that comes from the deepest place, in response to this wrong-headed effort.

never force a child to consider how others see him.  you know it is impossible to ever know how another thinks about anything.  never ask a child to contemplate what his friends or neighbors will think of his behavior.  nothing can be rated wrong or right in this perfect world because no one is in charge.

this is not the same as learning to not hit others or not interrupt while another is talking.  this is not learning how to function in close proximity to other talking mammals.

this is enforcing the thought pattern which enforces the belief in oneself as somehow separate from all of life and it is true evil to perpetuate.

the habit of passing judgement on life, as it is, is the direct path to hell.
in this life, some of the tools given to assess the status of reality are just plain off.  trusting the flow of events, when you know you don't exist separate from life, is the most reliable tool i know.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

expressions

it's a natural expression of human body/mind to talk about stuff.
it's as natural as birds singing.
i suspect birds don't sit around going 'oh your song is a more true expression of life than that other bird's'.
we can say that we prefer one birdsong over another, but that is a preference strictly relevant to the body/mind conditioning, and apparently unavoidable, as such.

there is no ultimate perfect expression of truth, whether it be made by human noise or bird noise.

there's just THIS.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

the golden rule

do unto others as you would have them do unto you

how can you know how you would like to be treated, if you do not love yourself?
the golden rule, upon examination, appears to first require self love, to be applicable.

if you are living your life always attempting to please other people, how can you know how you want to be treated?  does it mean you want others to put aside their own callings, and honor what they imagine yours to be instead?  yet it appears that your preference is to sacrifice the 'inner yes' for what you imagine someone else's inner yes to be...

is this anything other than a thought-induced loop of pain and suffering?

imagine putting aside this altruistic delusion for a moment and instead of giving attention to the program and conditioning of thought telling you to sacrifice yourself, just feel for the 'yes' of your present moment.

go to the mirror and look at that face no one else will ever see the way you do and tell it you love it without conditions.

listen.  feel where the 'yes' and the 'no' of life is moving.

can you feel this movement for another?  if not, how can you possibly know how they wish to be treated?